cutemom72 (cutemom72) wrote in parentshelp,

help me with this please

I'm new to this community and I'm hoping that I can get some help with a situation I have.
My children are in another state with their father for part of the summer. They haven't spent time with him prior to this for years, by their choice. They have maintained contact with him though.
My kids and I are pretty open with each other. My son is 16 and has been clean and sober for just over a year and a half. My daughter is 14. I have their email passwords and they know this. Right now, I'm not sure if I'm glad or not about it. I just read some emails from my son to his friend. In the first one, he is telling her how stupid smoking is and I am so proud of him for telling her she should stop. In the next email he is talking about getting drunk with his father. Apparently my ex has been drinking regularly with my 16 year old to the point of them both getting stumbling drunk. This is one of the disturbing things I discovered within 3 emails over the past week to his friend.
I have called and left messages on all of the phones but haven't heard back yet.
I am seriously considering telling my ex that he needs to bring my kids back by next weekend or that I'm going to call the police on him. I kept the emails from my son to his friend, just in case.
What would you recommend that won't permenantly alienate my son from me? I cannot allow this to continue.

Thank you for your help
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July 21 2007, 23:21:01 UTC 10 years ago

Snooping through the emails and invading their privacy is not a good way to reach your children, but if it bothers you that bad, bring it to their attention. I, personally, would rather have him do that with his father, than to do it out and about with his friends. Because honestly you should be proud about it, because its keeping him from going out getting drunk and in trouble with the law, doing drugs, and any thing else illegal. I can understand your frustrations, knowing its your child, but there are worse things that can actually happen. I don't think your child would really be happy with what you did, he'll love you, but will say he hates you and break you down to the point in which you feel like crying. But just try to realize that everyone needs their privacy, and no one butting into it.
If there are any tweens on this message board, you might be interested in trying The Fashion Fantasy Game. It's an online game where you can design clothes and sell them in a virtual industry with other players. Essentially, it simulates what the real life fashion business is like.

Here's how the game goes -- when you sign up, you can be either a designer or a store owner. You have a certain amount of Fashion Buckz (the currency in the game; think of Monopoly money) that you can use to buy materials and other resources. The object of the game is to be as successful as possible, just like in real life. Success is measured by how popular your clothes are or how much wealth you have.

There are also a lot of contests where players can compete to see who has the best designs.

Playing the game is free and is a great way to practice your business skills if you are really serious about entering the fashion industry. No real money is spent, so it is risk-free (unlike going to the mall, where you are compelled to purchase every pretty thing in the windows).

The game is available on